Verdict for my new trainer......

I admit, I was leery of hiring a female trainer. I didn't like the last one I used. I want to compare everyone to Eric, my all time favorite trainer that I used 6 years ago. He was awesome but he's too expensive now that he's on his own. But today I went openly to my session with Amy. She deserved a fair chance and an open mind.

I'm happy I signed up with Amy! She's come from a place that was heavier than I ever reached. Looking at her, you'd never guess it, she looks incredible! Plus she's a mom too, she understands those responsibilities. She could easily relate to my issues and how I gained the weight. She's willing to push me when I want and she listened when something hurt my knee. When the hour was done she said, now go do at least 20 minutes of cardio before you go home. Awesome!

I was surprised to learn how bad my balance has become, that will be a primary goal to improve. I have my next time and date set up with Amy. I've already been warned that come Sunday she's going to kick my ass. .....I'm already sore now, so all I can say....Bring it on!

Back to the Gym

Most of my workouts I've been doing at home. I have plenty of DVD's, a BOSU balance trainer, that I love! Plus a large stability ball. That one varies between being my friend and my enemy. Lately it's been an enemy.

Today I made it back into the gym and met with a personal trainer for an hour. We went over my history, my goals and what I'm currently doing for nutrition, cardio and resistance training. They came up with my "real age" at...gulp...44. At least it was down from the prior 48 the last time I did the test but it needs to come down and preferably below my actual age! I have some work to do.

Together with the trainer we determined I need the most help with resistance training. My diet he called good to excellent, yay, love the reinforcement! I'm doing well on cardio. But I want to get off the weight machines and use free weights. I don't know how to start! So starting on Thursday I'll see another trainer and start some sessions with her, with concentration on resistance training. The trainer comes from a similar background, she's lost a lot of weight and is also raising 2 kids. We seemed to get along easily. I'm really looking forward to Thursday and getting more ideas!

Holidays and a great NSV!

The week after Thanksgiving threw me into a new struggle. I'm still working my way back into my new habits.

I'm doing ok on my diet, I could do better but I'm not ruining everything either. I did gain back .04 lbs during that bad week, now I need to take that off. Thankfully I have a good plan for the weeks ahead. I finally have my holiday decorations boxes put away so I can work out at home again. I also have an appointment with a new personal trainer tomorrow. Getting back to my workouts will help me get fully back on track.

I am only hosting one Christmas party this year. I'm already planning a good menu with more healthy choices. For the parties I'm attending I'll be bringing at least one healthy dish. There will be the traditional foods too but I'll be well prepared in advance.

One of my favorite accomplishments happened this past week. I decided I needed at least one pair of jeans that fit me. I was so surprised when I was able to go down 2 sizes in jeans and 3 sizes in a top. That was a great NSV for me, it re-enforced what I'm doing and why... so that I feel better!

The Dreaded E.........

Emotions. Oh can they get the best of me! I've been struggling for the last week. I got through Thanksgiving day without gaining, no loss but no gain! Yeah! That was good.

Starting Thanksgiving through today, it's been one thing after another. I thought when my friend Loren died that I'd be tempted to overeat. I thought I'd fall back to old habits. But I didn't, I stayed strong. I cry when I need to, talk about him when I need to talk. If I can't talk to anyone I'll text someone and say, I miss him! It's helped me stay focused. (You know who you are, thanks for letting me text so many times to say that!)

I learned this week, it's not the big thing that will get me, its the piling up of the small things.

The family drama on Thanksgiving. Seeing old family habits return. A stressful day on Friday. Saturday I upset a friend and wasn't sure if we'd talk again. Then I had a talk with another friend that made me feel awful. I cried so much my eyes were bloodshot the next day. Sunday included a medical emergency for extended family. Monday and Tuesday included botched blood tests and mixed up doses of my medication. Wednesday was another stress with a friend and learning my favorite hair stylist is retiring. A stress headache started Sunday and won't go away. Little things in the grand scheme but they added up and I quit caring early in the week.

I've not watched my diet. I'm eating what I shouldn't. I've eaten more than I needed. I haven't been working out enough. Today I'm beating myself up over this last week. Tomorrow's weigh in will show the damage.

I prepared myself for the big thing but I need to learn how to manage the day to day stresses that add up. One week can't be the start of my downfall and failure. I can't let it.

Late weigh-in results

After almost a full week in the hospital with a blood clot I have to find my groove again. It's slow going but each day gets better. Last Friday I nervously weighed in. I thought after a week stuck in a tiny room, hooked to IV's that I was going to see a gain. I was pleasantly surprised.

I lost 1.6 lbs, bringing my total weight loss to 16.3 lbs. Yay! I'm excited. This brings my New Project # to 55! It's feeling manageable and I'm noticing a difference in my clothes. I'm wearing things I haven't fit in years and I'm pulling out clothes to donate that are now about to fall off of me. It's a great feeling!

Today's goal is to make it back into the gym. I've been very nervous about restarting my workouts. I was told it's safe to work out, as long as I don't fall, haha. But the mind plays games with "what ifs'"...I don't want to spend another day in the hospital but I can't live with fear ruling my life.

Lifes detours

As I was getting excited about new workouts, trying new menus and making new goals, I hit a huge pothole. I bumped and jostled across it and now I'm letting things heal, literally.

I'm skipping last weeks weigh-in, again. On Friday I found myself spending all day at my doctors and the hospital. I was admitted and I'm still waiting to get the okay to go home. I finally found the cause of all my pain for the last 3 weeks and I'm on the mend.

I'm looking forward to getting back on the road and working on my new goals.

Biggest Loser Wii Review

I've been curious about this game since I first saw an advertisement. I'm addicted to the show, I enjoy their website and I love their cookbooks, when I use them.

Today I caved in and bought the game. I've used Wii Fitness and the Wii board. They can be fun.

The graphics weren't great but that's expected with the Wii. It's user friendly. Easy to set up a profile, entering weight and setting goals. You can pick between 4, 8 or 12 week challenges, I'm starting with 4 weeks. You pick a prior Biggest Loser contestant. I'm not sure if they are working with you or competing against you? You also choose your trainer, Bob or Jillian, naturally I choose Bob! You also enter your calorie intake each day, that will force me to keep track.

I tried it with the Wii board and it felt clumsy. I kept pushing it out of the way or grabbing it. Then I had to keep switching the Wii remote between hands, slowing the work out and frustrating me. Tomorrow I'll try it without the Wii Board.

The workout itself was basic: stepping, lunges, wood chopping etc. I modified the lunges for my knee. I worked up more of a sweat compared to other Wii fitness games or other videos.

They didn't cover proper body alignment in the game. That could make it easy for someone to get hurt. I would have liked reminders to keep your core tight, that wasn't mentioned.

I'll keep trying it and hopefully the game will make more sense how the challenges and eliminations function in the game. That confuses me. Can I be eliminated??????

Right now I'd give it 3.5 out of 5 stars.

New Project #....

After last Friday's weigh-in my New Project # is... 56.6! I lost 4.6 lbs since my last weigh-in. I've lost 14.7 lbs so far, I'm hoping by Friday to push it past the 15 lb mark.

I'm still learning to adapt my workouts to accommodate my knee so I haven't been reaching my goal to work out each day. I have to give diet the credit for the weight loss. I'm making more efforts to watch any snacking and eat appropriate portions. It's the little changes I'm concentrating on because those become lifelong habits.

A Dear Friend

So much of my weight problem is because I use to eat to soothe negative, painful feelings.

A dear friend of mine has been very supportive of my weight loss and exercise goals. Back in college we'd sometimes work out together, he was always pushing me. Challenging me.

Today, he lost a long battle with cancer. I am still feeling the shock. I know he'd not want me to deal with his death like I have so many others. He wouldn't want me covering the feelings with food. He'd want me to keep working on my goals. He'd want me to succeed.

I am dedicating the rest of my journey to get back in shape to him. Loren, you always pushed me to do better for myself. Thank you for always believing in me. I Love you. And I'll Miss you.

Fly Free Loren.

Hot Chocolate: Good or Bad

It's no secret that I have a few vices with food. I have my favorites that I hardly think about when I eat them.

Its time to re-exam what I eat, uncover what are my "mindless automatic" food choices. It's time to determine what is good and what is bad. What can stay in my diet, what needs to be eliminated and what can be an occasional treat.

I love the fall, the crisp air, the cool nights and it's when I love to curl up with a mug of Hot Chocolate and a book.


The breakdown:

1 serving is 2 tablespoons of Nestle cocoa mix, I use a 10 oz mug. I also add half a serving of marshmallows.....ohhhhh this isn't looking good!

Calories: 130

Fat: 3g

Sodium: 190 mg

Total Carbs: 28g

Protein: 1g

Verdict: Not so good! It's going to become an occasional treat instead of nightly. I'll have to stop using the marshmallows, that will cut out 50 calories, 10mg of sodium and 12 carbs. It will still be a high carb treat. :-(

Missed weigh-in

I didn't make my Friday weigh-in. I spent most of the day at the ER. The weigh-in was no where on my mind. Then I spent the weekend doing nothing and on medications that are causing water retention. I am not going to weigh myself now! lol.

I'll be back to the weigh-in this Friday. I'm taking a free pass for last week.

I'm back and I lost my first.....

This past month I couldn't concentrate on my blog. I also put my weight loss on the back burner. I didn't stop trying to eat better but it wasn't a priority.

NOW, I'm back. I have my new Project #..... Project 61.2! I didn't keep up with my food log, I cut back working out but I still lost weight! At today's weigh-in, I'm down a total of 10.1 lbs! I am very happy I reached the 10 lb mark, it's inspiring for me.

I'm back on my blog, I'm back to using my journal and recording my foods, closely watching what I eat and I'll keep dropping those pounds.

The last few weeks I've faced a few hurdles. Anniversaries of the deaths of 2 very close people to me, a dear friend and my Mom. I have a personal issue that I'm slowly facing, that's zapped me of all care about myself for the last few weeks. I have a new health challenge that will take time to pan out. I'm still hoping it'll all be good! My knee still hurts but I learned it's a baker's cyst in my left knee. There's no arthritis, it's from letting my knee get too weak. It is very bad, it's now hard to walk far, I can't stand long and it hurts all the time, the pain radiates down my leg. I start physical therapy next week, that should help. And I'm going to have at least one session with a personal trainer. There are so many exercises I cannot do with my knee that I'm feeling lost, I need that extra help. And last week, the family had H1N1.....but those days are done!

Today, I'm feeling good. I hit that 10 lb mark! I'm wearing jeans and shirts I haven't fit in a year. I even bought 2 new pieces of clothes from the regular department at the store! Now, THAT felt GOOD!

I am back!

New Project number.....

I had a small loss, so my new number is, Project 65.5. Friday's weigh-in had me down -.5lbs. I wasn't sure if I would show a loss this last week. I had to give my knee a rest and didn't get all my walks or work outs accomplished. I'm happy for this small drop, it's slow but I'll take it!

My diet wasn't awful but it needs improvement. I need to start planning meals out for the week and shop accordingly. That needs to be my goal for the week, meal planning and groceries. Tomorrow I will be writing the list and reading my cookbooks.

Does anyone have healthy cookbooks they really like and would recommend?

Weekends are no longer my friend.

I'm struggling with weekends. My schedule is completely thrown off course. Both kids are home, the husband is home. My quiet, structured mornings are chaos. That sets the tone for the rest of the day. Trying to maintain the new habits I'm implementing is much harder on the weekends.

I've had things to do the last few weekends but they take a back seat and never get done. I wind up running other errands or waiting for hubby to finish his projects. My workouts don't happen. Meal planning becomes a challenge. I have something healthy in mind but either hubby makes something else or we get too worn out to care.

This weekend we had one sick child, it's turned into two sick kids today and I'm starting to feel sick. I don't know what to do for meals today because I haven't been grocery shopping in 1 1/2 weeks. That errand was never accomplished this weekend.

I don't know how to make the weekends easier and keep them from throwing me off my exercise routine and healthy eating. I'm afraid the scale will have bad results this week, that's how off plan I've become since Friday. I need to figure this out, soon!

New Project number is.......

This morning was my weigh in day, the day I mentally rename my Project. What did I get this time? Project 66. I lost -1.5lbs this last week. I feel really good about it.

Last week I didn't blog about my weigh in. It was -.5 and I was happy but I knew it was a small amount. But I couldn't post, why? I knew a few people that lost more weight and were depressed it didn't met their expectations, so why should I feel good about my -.5?

Here's WHY: It was my success! I'm making better choices. The junk food is out of the house. I'm getting exercise 5 days a week! That's huge for me after fighting it for so long. I'm also eating good meals. I'm making better choices for snacks. I'm grabbing grapes, fresh green beans, 1 oz of cheese, or a fat free yogurt instead of a handful of chips or other empty calorie. I'm increasing my protein intake, lowering my carb intake. I'm making gradual changes and I Like It!

I may never have the large weight loss weeks and I'm ok with it. I am insulin resistant thanks to another condition I have, losing weight has always been slow for me. Is that going to becoming an Excuse? NO WAY! But knowing it helps me feel good about my successes. I'm making changes I will keep for the rest of my life. To borrow a phrase, I will get there, One Day At a Time.

My Knee

It took 3 hours at the doctor today. I'm closer to an answer but it will take a few more weeks.

After manipulating my knee and trying pressure points my doctor sent me downstairs for an X-ray. After more manipulation and unnatural positions I had the X-ray and went back upstairs to wait for the result.

First picture, everything looks great, no problem. Second one, that showed the knee from the side, has this mysterious spot behind my knee. He called it a floater and named a few possible causes. He then referred me to an Orthopedic Surgeon, who I can't get in to see until October 6th.

He thinks they'll want to remove the "floater" and they'll visually check my soft tissue versus spending money on an MRI. Hopefully nothing else is wrong and it's only the "floater".

Tonight my knee is in agony from all the manipulation. Generally I can walk without pain, it's other activities that aggravate it. I haven't decided if I'll do my work out tonight, I don't want to make it worse. I'll give it an hour of rest and decide.

What's working, what's not.

I'm 2.5 weeks into this journey. I don't want to call this a diet, that has so many negative associations and implies it ends at some point. I am going for a lifestyle change. I want these changes to be permanent.

Here's some of what I've learned so far; what is and is not working.

What is working:

• Telling people. Having some accountability makes a difference for me.
• Planning meals. I stay on track if I have a plan.
• Tracking my food. I need to see what I've eaten otherwise it's too easy to overeat.
• Exercising. It's tough but I'm doing it, 4-5 times a week and it's getting better and easier.
• Getting rid of the junk food. Can't eat what's not around!
• Following other blogs. It's motivation for me to see others who are succeeding and those just starting.
• Journaling. I keep a private journal that is helping me deal with these changes.
• Taking things one day at a time. There's always tomorrow.
• Having fruits, veggies and snack food measured out in baggies, containers, ready to grab.
• Taking 10 minutes. If I find myself feeling the munchies, I do something else for 10 minutes until it passes.
• Celebrating the small successes! A good meal, walking further, clothes fitting etc., all proof this IS working!
• A slip is Okay, I can regroup and keep going.

What doesn't work:

• Competing with someone. I want to see others lose weight too, I don't care who loses it faster or loses more. I don't want to feel that pressure.
• Not planning meals. I don't eat enough protein, fiber or I eat too many carbs if I don't plan.
• Letting a bad day get the best of me.
• Not working out. I have to be moving or I won't lose weight. Simple as that!
• Getting down on myself for slipping.
• GIVING UP! That's NOT an option!

I know I'll learn more and be able to add to this list in time. It's a learning process and I signed up for the long haul.

Small piece of motivation

My weekend seems to have carried partly into this week. It's had more downs than ups. I've had a lot of emotions to manage but I'm making it through.

My left knee has been causing me a lot of pain. I've kept up on my work outs and walking, I just don't push too hard. I see my doctor next week, I'm hoping for physical therapy and not a "pill" to mask the problem.

I've been doing so-so with my diet. I need to get in the habit of planning meals and having the right food in the house. We got rid of the junk food, that's part of the battle.

I did have one GOOD thing today. I had to go for my yearly interview at work, I know it's crazy but we have to interview every fall. I wasn't sure what to wear, it's been hot outside and I know the office is warm. I picked a skirt and a shirt to "try", I haven't worn them all summer. They never fit right, always a little too tight. I know I haven't lost much but those few pounds lost and the working out, the clothes were comfortable! Definitely a feel good moment and motivation to keep going!

I'm keeping at these changes, every day is one step closer!

The SMELL....

It wasn't easy to eat today. Every time I went to get food, I gagged. The reason you may ask? A rancid smell creeping up from the basement, engulfing the house. We assumed it was a dead animal, such as a mouse that found it's way in and died. I can't stomach deceased animals so I refused to look for it, waiting instead for hubby to find it.

Every time I entered the kitchen, I'd be hit with that smell and lose my appetite or munchies.

The result, I ate very well today.

Tonight we discovered it was the water trap on the basement refrigerator that was overflowing, growing and smelly. No dead animal.

It worked to keep me eating well but I'll pass on using this trick again!

One of those weekends......

I didn't have the best of weekends. I'm fighting my migraines again, going on day 5 of continuous pain. I can't get in to see my doctor until the 23rd, grrrrrrr! If only my emergency medication would work but it might as well be a placebo! The headache was bad enough I didn't work out or get a walk in. I also didn't care as much about what I ate. But I didn't eat poorly, I just didn't plan meals or measure. I think for how I was feeling that I did ok, not great but I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

Yesterday I had one of those bad days when nothing goes right. Had a fight with hubby that really upset me. But I was good, I didn't soothe how I felt with any food. Yay me!

Today the headache is still mild and it's cool this morning. Both kids started school, one in 5th grade, the other started kindergarten. I'm feeling emotional but I have that under control. So with the kids at school, nice weather and only a mild headache, I'll get my walk in early.

Wooo-Hooo.....It's a good morning!

I've decided that Friday's are my weigh-in day. Once I was awake, functioning, kids dressed, at least one of them! They have eaten and are settled in for the morning. It was time for me to get ready and get that first weigh-in of my new lifestyle (no diet word for me!).

I'm happy. I went from Project 71.3 to New Project 68. I lost 3.3 pounds in my first week. It was actually less than a week, I started eating right and working out last Sunday. But this is my weigh-in day.

I feel like I'm off to a good start!

Measurements

Last night I decided to take my measurements. I've been dreading this but wanted it accurate so with a week into my new way of eating, it was time. Reluctantly I dug through my sewing kit, anxious to be done with my starting measurements.

I took a deep breath, tried to relax and checked the first one. OMG! I felt myself spinning. I had an idea where I was at but THIS number, in the 70's? How could that be right? Grabbing hold of the counter I took another deep breath. Slowly I looked back at the tape, in total disbelief. I pulled the tape away and took another look. Surely someone was playing a trick. Alas, I was playing one on myself. I had the tape backwards. I started with the end of the tape at 100 something, not the beginning at 1. WHEW! I let out a half laugh, half sigh of relief. The second try was a number I expected.

Don't try this late at night when you're exhausted!

Lists, choices, decisions

I'm feeling good today. Last night I took a 50 minute walk, I don't know how far I walked. I need to get a pedometer.

I'm starting all my lists. I don't know how to do much of anything without a list. It's an obsession.

For equipment, I only need to get a pedometer. I have work out equipment at home, I have a gym membership, I have the work out clothes. I have plenty of water bottles. I need to dust off my food scale. I know I even own a pedometer but haven't any idea where I stashed it. It's possible I tossed it during one of my, it's hopeless phases.

Next I need to pick a food plan to follow. I need some direction as to how much I can eat, how to plan my meals and most importantly, my snacks. Those are my downfall. I'm considering Weight Watchers or the Biggest Loser plan. I like both and they are both easy to use.

Next I need to make the grocery list. Tomorrow I can go shopping so I'll work on that list tonight.

Tonight I'll take that walk again. It feels so good to be doing this for myself!

Getting started.....

So far I'm doing well, eating properly and picking good snacks. I still need to clean out the cupboards and make a trip to the grocery store. That may have to wait until Thursday, payday. I get a little funny when our bank account hits a specific number and I don't want to spend anymore money. But I'll make my list, cut my coupons and be ready.

Weigh-in day: This one is causing me grief. I need to pick one day for my weigh-in's. I will probably pick Tuesday or Friday. I like the idea of Friday the best because it will help me now how to plan my weekends. Tuesdays will be best if I go on Weight Watchers because that's the day I'd attend meetings. Decisions, Decisions. And this isn't even taking into account of all the feelings of weighing in. Blah.... :-) But soon, it will become a positive thing, that I am determined!

Work Outs: I haven't started this in any structured fashion. I wake up with plans to work out but something always changes it. For example this weekend, I was going to take an hour walk. Instead we put in a new closet system and I was moving clothes and lifting boxes. I was sore the next day! It was equivalent to a walk. And now I've been fighting a migraine. After tonight's activities I plan to take that neighborhood walk, headache or not. It's time to stop making excuses!

A Beginning

I am not in the middle or end of this journey but at the very beginning. I have yo-yo'd in my weight many times throughout my life. I am 4 pounds shy of my heaviest weight, something I am greatly ashamed to admit. But anyone that sees me, sees my photos, can see what I'd like to hide. I have let myself gain weight, again. I have my reasons, my excuses and my heartaches that contributed to this problem. I am an emotional eater and I've suffered losing my Mom, my Mother in law and a long time friend since 2004. I've eaten myself through the grief. But I know those are just Excuses.


This is me currently, taken in June 2009. This is my before photo.

Now it's time to care about myself, put myself first and get back in shape. I don't have a time frame, but I have a goal weight. I am going to try for 2 pounds a week but I know some weeks may not be as good as others, I'm being realistic. I'm not going to follow a fad diet, 6 weeks to a miracle new me, or other crazy diet. I am going to eat right, exercise and relearn healthy habits.

The following photos are me in 2003 when I was 5 pounds from my target weight. Less than a month later I was pregnant with my second child. Making these some of the last photos of myself at a healthy weight.





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